HONORABLY DISCHARGED from my TECH JOB

And other ways to politely discuss your recent layoff

Throughout the last week I’ve learned— the hard way, unfortunately—that the number of euphemisms for “laid off” rivals the number of euphemisms for “peaceful death.” Axed. Canned. Sacked. Let go. Made redundant. Parted ways.

There’s no normal way to discuss being laid off, so most people instead choose a phrase that makes it seem like you’re about to be peacefully euthanized at the vet’s office. For the most part, people will treat you that way, too, all sad eyes and offers to help¹.

But it’s not all pity parties— a friend texted me “congrats on being released from corporate america,” as if it was my choice and I hadn’t been thrown out by the bouncer. And when I initially called my dad in a panic and told him I’d been laid off, the first things he said to me was “at least it’s summer.”

I mean, on some level, period. A few months of severance means an all-expenses-paid spring break at the very least. My ten-day de-stressing trip was booked within 48 hours of that fateful HR meeting. There is a very, very large part of me that is psyched.

But then, of course, you can’t just say that. I then have to acknowledge that the only reason I’m not affected by this is that I have literally nothing to lose— no car, no mortgage, no mouths to feed. If you don’t own anything, you can’t lose anything, and you can afford to take a couple nice weeks off when you get laid off. This is the Gen Z American Dream.

It hasn’t been easy to figure out the right tone to take about my unceremonious exit from the workforce. If I seem too relaxed, I seem like a privileged lady of leisure getting paid to go to fancy cafés and workout classes all day; if I’m too jazzed about my freedom I’m some anarchist who wants to abolish all jobs and currency; if I acknowledge the instability at all it’s back to the pity party.

It’s simply an impossible game to win, but here are a few phrases to use if you’re trying to break the ice re: being made redundant².

“My job exploded.”

People will be too thrown off to inquire further. Did the job metaphorically explode? Or did something literal happen, God forbid? She did say the whole company went down— did she mean literally? They’ll probably just laugh and move on.

“I was provided with the opportunity to read the great books.”

Not everyone has the time. We should BE so grateful!

“I was provided with the opportunity to read some low-to-middlebrow books.”

Listen, layoffs are hard. Whatever gets you through the day. They can’t all be Dostoevsky.

“I got laid…”

Say the truth— that you got laid off— but just mumble a little bit at the end there. Taper off after saying you got laid. Nobody needs to hear that last bit. You might get a high-five or something.

“I was honorably discharged.”

I don’t think it’s technically stolen valor to say you got honorably discharged from your remote tech job. I’m gonna give it a spin.

“AI took my job.”

It’s probably not far from the truth, and you’ll immediately gain an army of smug Bluesky users who will treat you as a martyr.

“I’m on sabbatical.”

I can’t get away with this one because I am 24 and haven’t even been in the workforce for three years. I have done zero to earn a sabbatical; I’ve barely accrued PTO. But if you’re the workaholic type and you’ve always had little rom-com dreams of three months in a cabin in the south of France, it’s yours!

“I pivoted into writing full-time.”

I am now writing for most of my days. Whenever I open iMessage I am also writing full-time. You can just say things.

“I was nonconsensually made unemployed.”

I dropped this one in a groupchat and liked the way it rolled off the tongue. It’s kind of a head-scratcher that buys you a few seconds to explain yourself and bring the mood back up. If you can deliver it professionally enough, it’ll sound so official that people won’t question you, out of fear of looking stupid, and you can move on.

“It’s not polite to ask a lady that.”

One of the perks of being a lady is that you can pretty much pull this card whenever. This is one of those situations.

1. WHICH I GREATLY APPRECIATE BTW!

2. I recently found out my second-largest audience outside of the US is the UK so this is me trying to use more British English so they feel welcome here as well. Hello, all; you really ate with “made redundant.” I like that it immediately implies “not my fault,” which I am shouting from the rooftops lately.